Famous Homer Simpson Quotations

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"Trying is the first step towards failure."
by Homer Simpson
"All life's answers are on TV."
by Homer Simpson
"And what if we picked the wrong religion? Every week, we're just making God madder and madder!"
by Homer Simpson
"Boy, everyone is stupid except me."
by Homer Simpson
"Don't worry, Homer. Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year."
by Homer Simpson
"Here lies... Walt Whitman. Aaargh! Damn you Walt Whitman! I... hate... you... Walt... freakin... Whitman, leaves of grass my ass!"
by Homer Simpson
"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.' by"
by Homer Simpson
"I used to rock and roll all night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky."
by Homer Simpson
"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman! by"
by Homer Simpson
"I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon! What was his name? Apollo Creed? by"
by Homer Simpson
"I've got more trophies than Wayne Gretzky & The Pope combined! by"
by Homer Simpson
"If he's so smart, how come he's dead? by"
by Homer Simpson
"If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat? by"
by Homer Simpson
"If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."
by Homer Simpson
"In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
by Homer Simpson
"It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
by Homer Simpson
"Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening"
by Homer Simpson
"Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk"
by Homer Simpson
"Lisa: Why are you dedicating your life to blasphemy? Homer: Don't worry, sweetheart. If I'm wrong, I'll recant on my deathbed."
by Homer Simpson
"Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively"
by Homer Simpson
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers."
by Homer Simpson
"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use"
by Homer Simpson
"Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a qtip."
by Homer Simpson
"To alchohol, the cause of and solution to all life's problems"
by Homer Simpson
"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel"
by Homer Simpson
"What is a wedding? Webster's dictionary defines a wedding as 'the process of removing weeds from one's garden.' by"
by Homer Simpson
"When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy"
by Homer Simpson
"When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle! They're on TV!"
by Homer Simpson
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."
by Homer Simpson
"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life's problems"
by Homer Simpson
"From now on Honey, we'll be spelling everything with letters."
by Homer Simpson
"Can't talk, must eat."
by Homer Simpson
"I just wish some one would call me 'sir'... without adding 'you're making a scene'."
by Homer Simpson
"I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun!"
by Homer Simpson
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
by Homer Simpson
"So what are you going to do? Release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees at you?"
by Homer Simpson
"Now I know I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!"
by Homer Simpson
"No one gets into heaven without a glowstick!"
by Homer Simpson
"When you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."
by Homer Simpson
"Well kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."
by Homer Simpson
"Police chief wiggum: Put out an A.P.B on Uosdwis R Dewoh, better start with greek town! Detective: Thats Homer J Simpson chief! You're reading it upside down. Police chief wiggum: Err.. cancel that A.P.B! But err bring back some of them errm giro's! Detective: Eh, chief.. You're talking into your wallet!"
by The Simpsons
"Ooooh. So they have the internet on computers now!"
by Homer Simpson
"Religion is like farting: we like our own but hate everyone elses."
by Homer Simpson
"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution"
by The deep thoughts of Homer Simpson


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