Famous George Burns Quotations

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"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."
by George Burns
"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."
by George Burns
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
by George Burns
"A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible."
by George Burns
"Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age."
by George Burns
"Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do."
by George F. Burns
"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."
by George Burns
"Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your exercises. You can't wait to put on your clothes. You can't wait to get out -- and you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot."
by George Burns
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
by George Burns
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city"
by George Burns
"I get a standing ovation jaust standing."
by George Burns
"I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate."
by George Burns
"I would rather be a failure doing something I love than be a sucess doing something I hate"
by George Burns
"I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age."
by George Burns
"I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate."
by George Burns
"I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left."
by George Burns
"If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred"
by George Burns
"Nice to be here At my age it's nice to be anywhere."
by George Burns
"Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope"
by George Burns
"Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years."
by George Burns
"The secret of acting is sincerity. If you can fake that, you've got it made"
by George Burns
"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning anf a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible."
by George Burns
"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."
by George Burns
"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair"
by George Burns
"Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair."
by George Burns
"When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights"
by George Burns
"I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better."
by George Burns
"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."
by George Burns
"If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it."
by George Burns
"Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist."
by George Burns
"Be quick to learn and wise to know."
by George Burns
"Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life."
by George Burns
"Life's but a day at most."
by George Burns
"Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!"
by George Burns


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