Famous Fran Lebowitz Quotations

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"Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
by Fran Lebowitz
"I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Humility is no substitute for a good personality."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."
by Fran Lebowitz
"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Andy Warhol made fame more famous"
by Fran Lebowitz
"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying"
by Fran Lebowitz
"Being a woman is of special interest to aspiring male transexuals. To actual women it is simply a good excuse not to play football."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Favorite animal: steak."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Humility is no substitute for a good personality"
by Fran Lebowitz
"I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere."
by Fran Lebowitz
"I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not."
by Fran Lebowitz
"I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult."
by Fran Lebowitz
"I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or or not."
by Fran Lebowitz
"If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract -- teach him to deduct."
by Fran Lebowitz
"If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words."
by Fran Lebowitz
"If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail."
by Fran Lebowitz
"If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies."
by Fran Lebowitz
"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
by Fran Lebowitz
"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra"
by Fran Lebowitz
"Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep"
by Fran Lebowitz
"My favorite animal is steak."
by Fran Lebowitz
"My favorite animal is steak"
by Fran Lebowitz
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Nothing succeeds like address."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you"
by Fran Lebowitz
"Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable"
by Fran Lebowitz
"The controversial overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive."
by Fran Lebowitz
"The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive-you are leaking."
by Fran Lebowitz
"The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting."
by Fran Lebowitz
"The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting"
by Fran Lebowitz
"The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink."
by Fran Lebowitz
"When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try."
by Fran Lebowitz
"You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Twenty-four-hour room service generally refers to the length of time that it takes for the club sandwich to arrive. This is indeed disheartening, particularly when you"
by Fran Lebowitz
"If you're going to America, bring your own food."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion-picture star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word collectible as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Money...buys privacy, silence. The less money you have, the noisier it is; the thinner your walls, the closer your neighbors.... The first thing you notice when you step into the house or apartment of a rich person is how quiet it is."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a lesbian."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football."
by Fran Lebowitz
"Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."
by Fran Lebowitz


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