Famous Finley Peter Dunne Quotations

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"Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th'ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because no wan knew him."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"Many a man that couldn't direct you to the drug store on the corner when he was 3 will get a respectful hearing when age has further impaired his mind."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"No, sir, th dimmycratic party aint on speakin terms with itsilf. Whin ye see two men with white neckties go into a sthreet car an set in opposite corners while wan mutthers Thraiter an th other hisses Miscreent ye can bet theyre two dimmycratic leaders thryin to reunite th gran ol party."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"The Puritans gave thanks for being preserved from the Indians, and we give thanks for being preserved from the Puritans."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"Trust Everybody, but cut the cards."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"Don't jump on a man unless he is down."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals."
by Finley Peter Dunne
"Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it."
by Finley Peter Dunne


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