Famous Anonymous Quotations

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"'If I want to hear the patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.'"
by Anonymous
"'The shortest distance between two points is under construction.'"
by Anonymous
"'If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.'"
by Anonymous
"'I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.'"
by Anonymous
"'For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.'"
by Anonymous
"'Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive.'"
by Anonymous
"'Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks'"
by Anonymous
"'A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.'"
by Anonymous
"'Lawyer: 'Were you acquainted with the deceased?' Witness: 'Yes sir.' Lawyer: 'Before or after he died?''"
by Anonymous
"'Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!'"
by Anonymous
"'Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.'"
by Anonymous
"'I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.''"
by Anonymous
"'I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.'"
by Anonymous
"'Regardless of the temptation, don't lick a steak knife.'"
by Anonymous
"'What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.'"
by Anonymous
"'What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.'"
by Anonymous
"'What bone will a dog never eat? A trombone.'"
by Anonymous
"'Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.'"
by Anonymous
"'I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.'"
by Anonymous
"'Against his better judgment, the big game hunter is talked into taking both his wife AND her mother along on one of his expeditions. It does not go well. The mother-in-law is, if anything, harder to get along with in the wilds than she was in the city. And to make matters worse, she won't even abide by the simple camp rules designed to keep the safari safe. One night after dinner, the hunter's wife realizes her mother is missing. Panicked, she rushes to her husband and begs him to institute a search. He sighs, and together they set out. But before they've gone far, they hear throaty growling. Soon they come upon a small clearing in which the mother-in-law stands, backed up against thick, seemingly impenetrable jungle brush, and facing a huge male lion. The wife whispers urgently, 'What are we going to do?' 'Nothing,' responds her husband. 'The lion got himself into this mess, now let him get himself out of it.''"
by Anonymous
"'A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, ' Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walk s to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridgeand ran out of gas.'"
by Anonymous
"'A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?' 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied. The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?' The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.''"
by Anonymous
"'A string walked into a bar, hopped on the barstool, and said, 'Bartender, gimme a beer.' The bartender said, 'I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here.' Disappointed, the string hopped down from the stool and went to the next bar. He hopped on the barstool and said, again, 'Bartender, gimme a beer.' The bartender said, 'I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here.' The string continued down the row of bars in this fashion. At every bar, he hopped on the barstool and said, 'Bartender, gimme a beer.' The bartender at every bar in turn said, 'I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here.' Finally he got to the last bar in the area. He was tired, he was sweaty, all he wanted was a beer. He trudged inside, climbed on the barstool, and said, 'Bartender, gimme a beer.' This bartender, too, said, 'I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here.' Tired and angry, the string walked outside to think. He was a hard-working string. He deserved a beer. Finally, he came up with an idea. He had a passerby tie him up into a bow and frazzle his ends. Then he went back into the bar, and climbed up on the barstool. 'Bartender, gimme a beer!' he said loudly. The bartender looked him over critically, and finally yelled, 'Hey, aren't you that string that was in here a few minutes ago?' The string replied coolly, 'Nope, I'm a frayed knot.''"
by Anonymous
"'I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.'"
by Anonymous
"'Against his better judgment, the big game hunter is talked into taking both his wife AND her mother along on one of his expeditions. It does not go well. The mother-in-law is, if anything, harder to get along with in the wilds than she was in the city. And to make matters worse, she won't even abide by the simple camp rules designed to keep the safari safe. One night after dinner, the hunter's wife realizes her mother is missing. Panicked, she rushes to her husband and begs him to institute a search. He sighs, and together they set out. But before they've gone far, they hear throaty growling. Soon they come upon a small clearing in which the mother-in-law stands, backed up against thick, seemingly impenetrable jungle brush, and facing a huge male lion. The wife whispers urgently, 'What are we going to do?' 'Nothing,' responds her husband. 'The lion got himself into this mess, now let him get himself out of it.''"
by Anonymous
"'A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, ' Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walk s to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridgeand ran out of gas.'"
by Anonymous
"'A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?' 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied. The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?' The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.''"
by Anonymous
"'A string walked into a bar, hopped on the barstool, and said, 'Bartender, gimme a beer.' The bartender said, 'I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here.' Disappointed, the string hopped down from the stool and went to the next bar. He hopped on the barstool and said, again, 'Bartender, gimme a beer.' The bartender said, 'I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here.' The string continued down the row of bars in this fashion. At every bar, he hopped on the barstool and said, 'Bartender, gimme a beer.' The bartender at every bar in turn said, 'I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here.' Finally he got to the last bar in the area. He was tired, he was sweaty, all he wanted was a beer. He trudged inside, climbed on the barstool, and said, 'Bartender, gimme a beer.' This bartender, too, said, 'I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here.' Tired and angry, the string walked outside to think. He was a hard-working string. He deserved a beer. Finally, he came up with an idea. He had a passerby tie him up into a bow and frazzle his ends. Then he went back into the bar, and climbed up on the barstool. 'Bartender, gimme a beer!' he said loudly. The bartender looked him over critically, and finally yelled, 'Hey, aren't you that string that was in here a few minutes ago?' The string replied coolly, 'Nope, I'm a frayed knot.''"
by Anonymous
"'ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?'"
by Anonymous
"A house means a family house, a place specially meant for putting children and men in so as to restrict their waywardness and distract them from the longing for adventure and escape they've had since time began."
by Anonymous
"a person who has got the will to work for peace."
by Anonymous
"A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it."
by Anonymous
"A man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done."
by Anonymous
"A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves."
by Anonymous
"A home is not a mere transient shelter: its essence lies in the personalities of the people who live in it"
by Anonymous
"A growth in China's power projection understandably leads other nations to question China's intentions, and to adjust their behavior in some fashion."
by Anonymous
"A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."
by Anonymous
"A democratic government is the only one in which those who vote for a tax can escape the obligation to pay it."
by Anonymous
"A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine."
by Anonymous
"A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking."
by Anonymous
"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in w"
by Anonymous
"Age imprints more wrinkles in the mind than it does on the face."
by Anonymous
"After what they saw (last week), I'm sure that'll give them more encouragement, and rightfully so."
by Anonymous
"A word to the wise is infuriating."
by Anonymous
"A woman's whole life is a history of the affections. The heart is her world: it is there her ambition strives for empire; it is there her avarice seeks for hidden treasures. She sends forth her sympathies on adventure; she embarks her whole soul on the traffic of affection; and if shipwrecked, her case is hopeless -- for it is a bankruptcy of the heart."
by Anonymous
"A universal feeling, whether well or ill founded, cannot be safely disregarded."
by Anonymous
"A true witness delivereth souls: but a deceitful witness speaketh lies."
by Anonymous
"A poet's pleasure is to withhold a little of his meaning, to intensify by mystification. He unzips the veil from beauty, but does not remove it."
by Anonymous
"A play is made by sensing how the forces in life simulate ignorance-you set free the concealed irony, the deadly joke."
by Anonymous
"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming."
by Anonymous
"A kiss is just a kiss, and nothing more."
by Anonymous
"The current state of knowledge is a moment in history, changing just as rapidly as the state of knowledge in the past has ever changed and, in many instances, more rapidly."
by Anonymous
"The confidence which we have in ourselves gives birth to much of that which we have in others."
by Anonymous
"The chemistry of couples is much like chemistry at the work bench. At the work bench, if the components are correctly chosen, the resulting compounds are likely to be more stable. Similarly with people, if a partner is carefully chosen, the resulting chemical bond between the two will more likely be more stable as opposed to selecting a partner at random. If sex is added to the chemistry and enjoyed by both then stability in the relationship is even more likely to be guaranteed."
by Anonymous
"The characteristic of the present age is craving credulity"
by Anonymous
"The characteristic of genuine heroism is its persistency. All men have wandering impulses, fits and starts of generosity. But when you have resolved to be great, abide by yourself, and do not weakly try to reconcile yourself with the world. The heroic cannot be the common, nor the common the heroic."
by Anonymous
"The Bible is literature, not dogma."
by Anonymous
"The best way to relieve families from time to time is to let them keep some of their own money."
by Anonymous
"Adversity draws men together and produces beauty and harmony in life's relationships, just as the cold of winter produces ice-flowers on the window-panes, which vanish with the warmth."
by Anonymous
"The fields his study, nature was his book."
by Anonymous
"The Eternal looked upon me for a moment with His eye of power, and annihilated me in His being, and become manifest to me in His essence. I saw I existed through Him."
by Anonymous
"The envy also of Ephraim shall depart, and the adversaries of Judah shall be cut off: Ephraim shall not envy Judah, and Judah shall not vex Ephraim."
by Anonymous
"The emotions are sometimes so strong that I work without knowing it. The strokes come like speech."
by Anonymous
"The election will be conducted in a calm manner and the Azerbaijani society will remain stable,"
by Anonymous
"The education of the will is the object of our existence."
by Anonymous
"The education of a man is never completed until he dies."
by Anonymous
"The earnings growth is a positive. The problem is that the ten-year note yield is currently standing at 4.85 percent and is pushing toward 5 percent and our friends at the Fed are not telling us when rate hikes are done."
by Anonymous
"The duty of man is the same in respect to his own nature as in respect to the nature of all other things, namely not to follow it but to amend it."
by Anonymous
"The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle."
by Anonymous
"The imagination is literally the workshop wherein are fashioned all plans created by man."
by Anonymous
"The huge turnout for Live 8 here and around the world proves that thanks to the leadership from people like Tony Blair and Gordon Brown the world is beginning to demand more action on global health and poverty."
by Anonymous
"The hour of departure has arrived and we go our ways; I to die, and you to live. Which is better? Only God knows."
by Anonymous
"The history of art is the history of revivals"
by Anonymous
"The highest compliment that you can pay me is to say that I work hard every day, that I never dog it."
by Anonymous
"The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness."
by Anonymous
"The harvest of old age is the recollection and abundance of blessing previously secured."
by Anonymous
"The hardest struggle of all is to be something different from what the average man is."
by Anonymous
"The growth for education and training will be in continuing adult education. Online delivery is the trigger for this growth, but the demand for lifetime education stems from profound changes in society. We live in an economy where knowledge, not buildings and machinery, is the chief resource and where knowledge-workers make up the biggest part of the work force."
by Anonymous
"The greatest part of a writer's time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book."
by Anonymous
"The greatest incitement to guilt is the hope of sinning with impunity"
by Anonymous
"The function of the imagination is not to make strange things settled, so much as to make settled things strange."
by Anonymous
"The foundations of our society and our government rest so much on the teachings of the Bible that it would be difficult to support them if faith in these teachings would cease to be practically universal in our country."
by Anonymous
"The foundations of a person are not in matter but in spirit."
by Anonymous
"The first step in the evolution of ethics is a sense of solidarity with other human beings."
by Anonymous
"The first rule of any technology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify the efficiency. The second is that automation applied to an inefficient operation will magnify the inefficiency."
by Anonymous
"The most evident difference springs from the important part which is played in man by a relatively strong power of imagination and by the capacity to think, aided as it is by language and other symbolically devices."
by Anonymous
"The man who is dissatisfied with himself, what can he do?"
by Anonymous
"The man who is a pessimist before forty-eight knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little"
by Anonymous
"The man of noble mind seeks to achieve the good in others and not their evil. The little-minded man is the reverse of this."
by Anonymous
"The lips of the righteous feed many: but fools die for want of wisdom."
by Anonymous
"The life of a man consists not in seeing visions and in dreaming dreams, but in active charity and in willing service"
by Anonymous
"The Liberals have many tails, and chase them all"
by Anonymous
"The legacy of heroes is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example."
by Anonymous
"The leaves of memory seemed to make A mournful rustling in the dark"
by Anonymous
"The lack of money is the root of all evils."
by Anonymous
"The knowledge of an unlearned man is living and luxuriant like a forest, but covered with mosses and lichens and for the most part inaccessible and going to waste; the knowledge of the man of science is like timber collected in yards for public works, which still supports a green sprout here and there, but even this is liable to dry rot."
by Anonymous
"The key to sustained growth and rising standards of living will be the ability of developing countries to create vital export industries to compete in a free and open global marketplace. We should help these countries help themselves by opening the U.S. market to their exports."
by Anonymous
"The Jews generally give value. They make you pay; but they deliver the goods. In my experience the men who want something for nothing are invariably Christians."
by Anonymous
"The investor of today does not profit from yesterday's growth."
by Anonymous
"the intelligence system did not work well."
by Anonymous


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