Oh Ancient Muses help me write,
For I need it now more than anytime;
Bring me diction and help me rhyme
I need to let out all that’s inside
That’s been boiling for nights
And never tames but always wild
Look at my heart how it’s set on fire!
Who’d soothe it better than what I’ll write?
Pages will listen to me I know right
For they have always. And would never grind
Dearest of all therapists, my fingers that type,
Bring me rhythm and musical lines
I want to be redundant, I really don’t mind
I have a lot to unleash; I have so much to cry
It’s not a big deal if my words are not precise
For what in this world shall always stay concise?
I don’t want to set a limit for which I would certainly exceed
Because all I want and all I really need,
Is to shout out all that I hide
Beneath my deceptive smile
And my silence that’s grown tired.
But now, I would rather speak.
I haven’t been myself for a long time
I have become more furious and then too quiet
I have successive mental breakdowns every day and night
And clueless I am about everything that might
Be the reason why I am this not fine
I am not sure about the battles I fight
What do I want to reach?
What do I want to find?
There must be something inside of me
That’s struggling to be free
But they say, “What else could you possibly need?
You have everything close at hand, so stop that greed.”
I don’t ask for worldly prestige
My soul longs for more than what you compete
About which is essential for you and concrete
However, this is not what would give me peace
I don’t want anything that carries those meanings you define
I don’t believe in your words, I only believe in mine
This could be my problem that I always rationalize
Because maybe you are correct but I can’t agree with you most of the time
I just need to listen to my inner voice and not otherwise
I do insist for I know me best
For I know my weaknesses and all that lies behind
Let me trust my guts, I am no longer a child
Leave matters in my hand even if you think I am blind
It doesn’t matter if you can’t see although you have eyes
What matters is how you feel. What matters is insight
It doesn’t matter if your heart beats, but you don’t feel alive
What matters is everything that brings meaning to your life
See how I make sense now? But this happens every once in a while
Just some moments when I feel restrained and wise
I don’t think about trivialities and my thoughts are organized
And there are those moments when I am a mess
There is nothing petty, everything should make sense
And I object about what I once thought was best
There’s No way to organize my ideas so I lose my mind
I change into someone completely different yet I still like
I contradict myself a lot but this is the paradox that I admire
It is so difficult to bury those conflicts to keep your pride
In other words, it’s hard to conceal just for the sake of holding your head high
There’s no more repression than blames about your battle cries
And turning a means for emotional relief into a merciless crime
You can’t do it in front of anyone all you have to do is to smile
Until you are finally alone so you lock yourself into your room
And feel your tears running like an angry river bursting its banks left and right
Covering your face with tears and burning your chest for water could be fire
Putting your hand over your mouth so no one could hear you and ask you why
You don’t want any other pressure that makes you confined
You can’t explain you just want this moment to be gone, to be fine
It’s strange how you feel reborn after those few minutes of a long cry
Nothing hurts more or nothing bothers, even your attitude differs
You shine bright and your strength is set upright
Too full of JOY, too full of life
Too hopeful, too wise
Or perhaps you’ve just become too numb and too tired
All you want and all you require
Is to hear a comforting advice
Free of obligation and constant whys
All you need and all you require,
Is an ear to listen and a heart to sympathize
Without judging and giving guidelines
I appreciate your efforts; I know it’s stressing you alike
I really don’t mean it; my emotions sometimes get the best of me.
Thus, when you hear me cry
Don’t be worried, I promise you I’ll be fine.